Night of the Long Knives 30 June

On this day, the 30th June, in 1934, Adolf Hitler led the ‘Night of the Long Knives’, against the Sturmabteilung (SA) paramilitary wing of the Nazi Party. The S.A. was discontented with the progress of the Nazi regime and they felt that the ‘socialism’ element of National Socialism was being neglected. Their big mistake though was that they also wanted to become the core of a new German army. Hitler, using the tried and tested ‘divide and rule’ principle, fostered political infighting among his subordinates, with Hermann Göring, Joseph Goebbels, Heinrich Himmler and Reinhard Heydrich on one side and Ernst Röhm, the leader of the S.A., on the other. At this time, the S.A. was the only remaining viable threat to Hitler’s power. Goering and Himmler asked Heydrich to assemble a dossier of manufactured evidence to suggest that Röhm had been paid 12 million marks by France to overthrow Hitler. Hitler decided to act. Alfred Rosenberg’s diary provides an account of what happened next: "With an SS escort detachment the Führer … knocked softly on Röhm’s door: "Message from Munich," he said with disguised voice. "Well come in," Röhm called to the supposed messenger, "the door is open." Hitler tore open the door, fell on Röhm as he lay in bed, seized him by the throat and screamed, "You are under arrest, you swine." Then he turned the traitor over to the SS. At first Röhm refused to get dressed. The SS then threw his clothes in the Chief of Staff’s face until he bestirred himself to put them on. In the room next door, they found young men engaged in homosexual activity. "And these are the kind who want to be leaders in Germany," the Führer said trembling." Official records tally the dead at 77, although some 400 are believed to have been murdered - most were simply shot out of hand. When you come to think about it, there is a lot to be said for parliamentary democracy.

Dog Shows 28 June

On this day the 28th of June 1859 the first inklings that the world had gone completely off its collective chunk surfaced to the delight of some and the perpetual amazement of others. The first ever dog show was held in Newcastle-on-Tyne. Even the concept of what a dog show entails beggars belief. In a dog show, judges who are familiar with specific dog breeds (of which there are over 800) evaluate individual dogs for how well they conform to published breed standards, so a better way to describe a dog show is a conformation show. A dog show is not exactly a comparison of one dog to another, it is a comparison of each dog to a judge’s concept of the ideal specimen of the breed standard; based on this, one dog is placed ahead of another. There are, apparently, all-breed judges. So one person can retain a vast knowledge of the confirmation points of over 800 breeds of dog? What, for example, entails a "full coat" or a "cheerful attitude"? How do you quantify "quantity of wrinkles" or "colour of nose"? These details are, by all accounts, the bread and butter of your all-breed judge. Why would 120,000 people in the UK alone want to get involved in this? Is it the dogs they like or is it something else? Politics in the pure-bred dog world can be vicious I’m told; there have been charges at various times of favouritism, nepotism, bribery and even drugging of competitors’ animals. There is a lot to be said for a goldfish in a bowl.

Ralph Austin Bard 27 June

Ralph Austin Bard was a Chicago financier who served as Assistant Secretary of the Navy, 1941-1945, and as Under Secretary, 1944-1945. He was one of eight members of the Interim Committee appointed to advise President Harry S. Truman on the use of the atomic bomb. Although opinions varied, on June 1, 1945, the Committee: "agreed… that the bomb should be used against Japan as soon as possible; that it be used on a war plant surrounded by workers’ homes; and that it be used without prior warning." However, on this day, June 27, 1945, Bard, had second thoughts and sent a memo to Secretary of War Henry L. Stimson suggesting that the Japanese government be given some warning before the use of the atomic bomb. "The position of the United States as a great humanitarian nation and the fair play attitude of our people generally is responsible in the main for this feeling," he wrote, adding "that the Japanese government may be searching for some opportunity which they could use as a medium of surrender." On August 6, 1945, an atomic bomb was dropped on the Japanese City of Hiroshima without the warning. "Now I am become Death, the Destroyer of worlds." as J. Robert Oppenheimer and Bhagavad Gita put it.

Invasion of the Soviet Union 22 June

On this day 22 June in 1941 Adolf Hitler, announcing (conveniently) that the 1939 non-aggression pact with the Soviet Union was a "stain on Germany’s record" and that it was time to have a pop at the ‘untermensch’, sent three million men, supported by more than 3,000 tanks, 7,000 guns and nearly 3,000 aircraft across Nazi Germany’s border into the Soviet Union. The Soviet leader, Joseph Stalin, was, by all accounts, astonished - he had not been expecting any German visitors until 1942 and had not even ironed a tablecloth in preparation. The Germans, of course, quickly over-ran the border posts enabling Herr ‘Noballs’ Goebels to announce a great victory on national radio the "greatest the world has ever seen". Dear old Winston had a handle on things, of course, he told parliament that Hitler was a "bloodthirsty guttersnipe" and announced "The Russian danger is our danger, and the danger of the United States, just as the cause of any Russian fighting for his hearth and home is the cause of free men and free peoples in every quarter of the globe", which wasn’t bad for a man who only days before had been expressing his own outspoken opposition to communism in no uncertain terms "A communist" he said "is like a crocodile: when it opens its mouth you cannot tell whether it is trying to smile or preparing to eat you up". Operation Barbarossa - anyone for crocodiles?

Magna Carta 15 June

King John appended his Royal Seal to Magna Carta on this day in 1215 at Runnymeade. Unfortunately, King John, obviously somewhat less than impressed, utterly repudiated the charter as soon as the barons left London a few days later. Pope Innocent III also immediately annulled the "shameful and demeaning agreement’, saying it impaired King John’s dignity. (Dignity of a man who murdered his own brother, Arthur, in order to grab the throne? - nice one Pope.) Widely considered to be the first step in a long historical process leading to the rule of constitutional law, Magna Carta, was above all else a statement that the monarch was subject to law and a statement of the rights of free men. The only problem, of course, was that in 1215 almost no one was free. Nevertheless, the idea stuck and Magna Carta was amended and re-issued by John’s descendants, the final version being issued by Edward I’s Parliament on 12 October 1297 as part of a statute known as Confirmatio cartarum. The version of Magna Carta from 1297 is still part of English law, although only parts remain in force and most of it has been repealed or superseded. The articles currently in force are articles one, nine and twenty-nine of the 1297 version.

The Falklands Conflict 14 June

Carl Phillip Gottlieb von Clausewitz famously wrote, in his book ‘Vom Kriege’ (On War), first published in 1832: "War is merely the continuation of policy by other means,". This statement is considered to have had a strong influence on military thinking in many subsequent wars including WWI, WWII, and all post Vietnam US military operations. However, Clausewitz didn’t have it completely correct - sometimes a lack of policy has more to do with it. Take, for example the Falklands War which illustrates what a lack of policy, a splash of political miscalculation and murmur of miscommunication can do to create a shooting war. In the period before the war, both sides had political eyes fixed firmly on domestic issues - Argentina on maintaining the position of its military government in the face of rising public hostility and Britain, as usual, on cutting costs and, at that time, biffing the unions. Consequently both sides seriously underestimated the importance of the Falkland Islands to the other. Whatever the reasons. this ‘mere continuation of policy’ cost the UK 255 good men, six ships (10 others were very badly damaged), thirty-four aircraft, and more than 1.6 billion pounds. Old Carl Phillip didn’t say too much about chance in his book, but it is not too difficult to envisage that the war could have ended in an Argentine victory. What if, for example, one of the Exocets had hit one of our two aircraft carriers, or what if the frequent unexploded bombs had actually detonated when they hit some of our ships (staggeringly, even with useless bombs, 75% of the British task force was damaged or sunk)? What if Argentina had decided to attack the British artillery, using the three paratroop regiments already deployed at Comodoro Rivadavia? What if the Argentines had made better preparations to hold the islands? But then, who would expect that the British to attempt to carry out a war 7500 miles from home? But, as it turned out, chance was with the British and on June 14 1982 the commander of the Argentine garrison in Port Stanley, Mario Menendez, surrendered to Major General JJ Moore of the Royal Marines.

Alfred the Great 9 June

The 9 June 878 is a day that changed forever the balance of power in England in favour of the Saxon king Alfred the Great. Before you all chime in with a hearty "so what" you will, of course recall that our Royal Navy hold Alfred the Great to be the founder of the naval tradition. Alfred, as everyone knows, had fought a long war with the Vikings, who had settled into eastern England and were moving ever westward into the remaining Saxon territories - most notably Wessex (which is a concatenation of West Saxon). Guthrum, alias Gorm den Gamle was King of the Danish Vikings in East Anglia and Yorkshire and, by 878, he stood on the brink of a final conquest of Wessex but was decisively defeated by Alfred, (who had, you will recall, spent the winter lurking in a swamp and strolling around the place setting fire to old widow’s cakes), at the Battle of Edington, in Wiltshire. Good show Alfred. The really clever bit however was that Alfred, instead of putting all to the sword, as was the custom, persuaded Guthrum, and twenty-nine of his chief men to submit to Christian baptism and on 9 June 878 Alfred became Gorm den Gamle’s godfather. As a result, England became split into two, the south-western half kept by the Saxons and the north-eastern half becoming known as the Danelaw. This is known as the peace of Wedmore. This peace allowed Alfred to turn his attention develop the royal navy to repress the ravages of the Northumbrian and East Anglian Danes on the coasts of Wessex and to prevent the landing of fresh hordes. This move more or less maintained the status quo until 1066. Alfred the Great - rotten at cookery but a good egg

First Viking Raids 8 June

June 8 is a great day in the sagas of Vikings. For a start, on this day in 793 the first recorded Viking raid on Britain took place at Lindisfarne. This event was, by the account in the Anglo Saxon Chronicle, a bit upsetting: "…dreadful fore-warnings over the land of the Northumbrians, terrifying the people most woefully: these were immense sheets of light rushing through the air, and whirlwinds, and fiery, dragons flying across the firmament. These tremendous tokens were soon followed by a great famine: and not long after the harrowing inroads of heathen men made lamentable havoc in the church of God in Holy-island, by rapine and slaughter." - altogether a pretty duff year! There followed a succession of raids by Norse pirates which eventually led to the establishment of a Danish kingdom in England (the Danegeld). This was still going strong in 1042 when, on June 8 Hardeknut, (Canute the Hardy) who was a Dane died and passed the reign of England, for a while, back to a Saxon king, Edward the Confessor. Edward the Confessor was only a half brother to Hardeknut and the Norman Kings descended from Hrolf Ganger - Rollo of Normandy - had a claim to the throne also and, after some other skulduggery, this was taken up in 1066 when William the Conqueror (as the English know him) or William the Bastard (as the Vikings know him) decided to take what was his from Harold and invaded England at Hastings and accepting the surrender of the Saxon nobles at Berkhamsted. Our Glorious Queen is a direct descendant of William the Bastard, although it is doubtful if She ever wears a helm with horns, sails long ships into other peoples creeks or drinks ale from the skulls of her vanquished foe

Panama Canal 7 June

Everyone knows that if you travel west from Bristol and keep going you will eventually bump into America. Having bumped into America and keep going west you will eventually dip your toes in the Pacific Ocean. Except if you go by boat. If you go by boat, you will, unless you are barking and want to heave your boats across country, go through the Panama Canal. The first ships passed through the Panama locks on this day 7 June 1914 and they went uphill to the Pacific, which is 24cm higher than the Atlantic. Confusingly, the Atlantic is at the West end of the canal and the Pacific is at the East. It’s all in the Panamanian topography. Of course, none of this would have been possible had much of the pioneering engineering discoveries necessary to build a successful canal not been done a century and a half earlier by, as seems to be the norm (steam engines, telephones, haggis etc), a Scotsman. John Rennie, who was born on this day, 7 June, 1761 solved almost all of the knotty engineering problems associated with the construction of canals and locks. While he was at it, he built the Lancaster Canal (started 1792), the Chelmer and Blackwater Navigation (1793), the Crinan Canal (1794) and the Kennet and Avon Canal (1794). Rennie was also the bridge builder who pioneered the wide span elliptical arch bridge and built Waterloo Bridge, with its nine equal elliptical arches and perfectly flat roadway, and Southwark Bridge and London Bridge (of Arizona Desert fame). So, without John Rennie, going backwards to China the short way may have proved a bit tricky.

Go 6 June

Some things in life are earth shatteringly important and change the world forever, whereas others simply don’t. On the simply don’t side of the equation, take Go for an example. Go is a strategic, two-player board game originating in ancient China, somewhere between 2000 BC and 200 BC. It was developed to teach Generals the value of strategy. It consists of a set of black and white stones that are placed on a grid in attempt to capture areas of the board. A simple concept, but a staggeringly complex game. The greatest ever player, Hon’inbō Shūsaku, the “Invincible Shusaku”, was born on June 6, 1829 and in 1846, he played the famous “ear-reddening move” against Gennan Inseki, the strongest player of that time. In essence, everyone thought that Gennan was winning, except for a doctor who noticed that Gennan’s ears became red after Shusaku played an expected move in an unforeseen place. On the changing the world side of the equation, Adolf Hitler had his ears reddened today in 1944, when the invasion of Normandy was launched. Hitler, of course thought that it was to be the Invasion of Pas de Calaise. Operation Neptune was the largest amphibious assault ever launched and involved five army divisions, over 7,000 ships and 11,000 aircraft in the initial assault. In total 75,215 British and Canadian troops and 57,500 US troops were landed by sea on D-Day. Another 23,400 were landed by air. So there you have it, Red Ears in a Bunker. Winston was frightfully chuffed; Neptune is going "in a thoroughly satisfactory manner" he announced in the House that night.

Billy Joe McAllister 3 June

On this day, June 3 in 1953, Billy Joe McAllister committed suicide by jumping off the Tallahatchie Bridge on Choctaw Ridge, Mississippi. This, purportedly true event, was immortalised in the song ‘Ode to Billy Joe’ by Bobby Gentry in 1967. The song is noteworthy for the mystery surrounding his reasons for jumping off the bridge, which Ms. Gentry has, suspiciously in my view, never revealed. Some years later, in 1976 Herman Raucher’s film of the story was released and was widely seen as being second only to ‘Convoy’ as the worst film ever made about the American South. For those of you who can’t bear the suspense any longer, I can reveal exclusively that the suicide was probably a reaction to whatever it was that Brother Taylor saw a girl and Billy Joe throw off the Tallahatchie Bridge sometime before the reported suicide. Some observers have intimated that this may have been a baby, others have suggested, probably correctly, the possibility of it being the puppy of Billy Joe’s dog ‘Ol’ Yeller’ (it is the American South, after all). This sad event, of course, had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the marriage of Edward Albert Christian George Andrew Patrick David (AKA The Prince Edward, Duke of Windsor and, for a short while, King Edward VIII) to Mrs Wallis Simpson on 3 June 1937. In order to marry Mrs Simpson he abdicated the throne, announcing "I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility and to discharge my duties as king as I would wish to do without the help and support of the woman I love.". Later, when giving his views on marriage he said, "Of course, I do have a slight advantage over the rest of you. It helps in a pinch to be able to remind your bride that you gave up a throne for her." What a nice chap.

Mark Twain 2 June

On this day, 2 June 1897, following the erroneous publication of a premature obituary in the New York Journal, Mark Twain famously responded: "The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated". Mark Twain was perhaps America’s most important writer, indeed, Ernest Hemingway said: "All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn. ...all American writing comes from that. There was nothing before. There has been nothing as good since.". He may have been right. One thing that is now widely forgotten is that many of Mark Twain’s works were suppressed for one reason or another. In 1880 for example he wrote "1601: Conversation, as it was by the Social Fireside, in the Time of the Tudors." Which, was (and still is, in parts,) considered to be obscene: ‘In ye heat of ye talk it befel yt one did breake wind, yielding an exceding mightie and distresfull stink, whereat all did laugh full sore…. Lady Alice says "Good your grace, an’ I had room for such a thundergust within mine ancient bowels, ‘tis not in reason I coulde discharge ye same and live to thank God for yt….. so pray you seeke ye further."’ You get the gist. He lambasted religion in several suppressed works, most notably ‘Letters from the Earth’ and ‘The Mysterious Stranger’ - "It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream - a grotesque and foolish dream…." Nowadays, Huckleberry Finn, much admired when he wrote it, is widely suppressed because it is perceived as racist. Perhaps he should have stuck to his other great skill, inventing. Who can forget his most famous invention - ‘An improvement in adjustable and detachable straps for garments’ (US patent US121992), which, to the ineffable relief of us all, hugely improved the keeping-up of trousering of all sorts, as well as securely anchoring various other items of men’s leg-wear. This magnificent invention works by means of numerous hooks, eyes, buttons and yards of elaborate elastic strapping. Mark Twain - Two fathoms deep.

The Great Pumpkin 1 June

There are those who believe in The Great Pumpkin and those who do not. For those who do not, I should elucidate. The Great Pumpkin, like Santa Claus, mysteriously appears every year, bringing presents. The Great Pumpkin, however, appears on Halloween and instead of clambering down chimneys, chooses to appear only at the most sincere pumpkin patch. The Great Pumpkin was first mentioned by Linus van Pelt who is the younger best friend of Charlie Brown. Though very young, Linus is very wise, and is a noted philosopher and theologian, often quoting the Gospels. Linus is sadly dominated by his older sister Lucy, who has been known to clobber him at the drop of a hat. Linus and Lucy have a younger brother "Rerun," who looks nearly identical to Linus, but smaller. Charlie Brown’s little sister, Sally, is in love with Linus and calls him her "sweet babboo." Linus in turn has an innocent crush on his teacher, Miss Othmar. Being somewhat fickle in his emotions he later developed a similar crush on Mrs. Hagemeyer, Miss Othmar’s replacement. Linus coined the term "security blanket" on 1 June 1954 and since then has almost never been seen without his blue blanket (or one of several), which he holds over his shoulder while sucking his thumb. Linus van Pelt, Prophet of The Great Pumpkin and inventor of the Security Blanket.